another year with my beautiful daughter serving us the traditional Santa Lucia buns she made herself... my little saint
we all were told to get back into bed... we used the bed in the sunroom... and she served us in bed with fresh coffee... homemade apple jelly, butter, and the biggest heart...
she has the kindest heart to anyone I have ever met... I love her so very much words cannot describe the joy I feel when I am with her... like an angel on earth... she always takes care of others, and this tradition on this feast day of Saint Lucy (santa lucia) is a blessed way for any daughter to express their love towards their family
Whatever the fact to the legends surrounding Lucy, the truth is that her courage to stand up and be counted a Christian in spite of torture and death is the light that should lead us on our own journeys through life.
whether you believe in His Saints or not, one thing is for certain, we could all learn a valuable lesson from Santa Lucia: bear light against the darkness, as Lucia did find the strength within you this Advent Season to become the very best person you can possibly become peace and blessings,
if you are interested in seeing last year's Santa Lucia Day here at the farm, you can go HERE there's a paper doll you can print out for your little ones
THANK YOU FOR YOUR IQUIRIES: NO, I did't purchase the dress, but I made it for her a few years ago... but thank you for those who inquiried if it's a "Santa Lucia Dress"... you are all so nice... but it will be passed down to her little sister, who is anxiously waiting to wear it
sinking deeply into the summer's cool foggy evening
noticing that life is very much like a summer's eve... that the stars would not be so brilliant if set against a bright sun... that contrast is needed for our eyes to see the beauty that is oftentimes hidden from our sight
to think of going through life at a steadfast pace with no ups and downs, no hardships or delights would be so dull and uninteresting... to think of the birds all brown with the same song...
diversity is supposed to be seen within nature in order for their uniqueness to distinguish 'it' against 'the others' — such as each of us... such as life...
within the tasks of our daily lives — the laundry and cooking, the weeding the prayers, there is a beauty in the contemplation of those tasks... that we cannot shirk our duties but embrace the work all the while to meditate upon the beauty, stained beets' hands and all
the diamond on my finger is a rock, such as my faith the encircles my life every waking moment in undying devotion to my husband and the bond we share like no other, that lasts through many moons and under many starry skies, sunny days and stormy ones there was once a time when I had a severe stomach ache and cramping that lasted for many days... many days... and I did think the child within me was coming to the end of his life, for it most certainly felt like the end of mine... and after I recovered, someone near to my heart that can only talk severely candidly with me said "at least you have a stomach"... and as absurd as it may sound, he was right, and he always ceases not to complain, even amongst pain which makes him not be able to walk... never... not a single word of complain... a most courageous man those pains are long gone and almost forgotten — especially when I am able to hold his chubby 1 year old hands as he falls asleep upon my shoulder... how often times we cannot see past the pain and sorrow how many moments in life that are as dull as a gravel drive leading to nowhere but we must get it through our heads that the pain is passing by us like a fog... that will soon loose it's dampness and disappear... and as long as we equip ourselves with the right spiritual preparation and fuel, that gravel road will eventually lead us somewhere we are supposed to be... and if you feel as though you are running out of fuel, stop... take a deep breathe... and listen to your heart and soul... and if nothing comes back to you, then stay where you are and call for help for now, I am putting my hands up and allowing Someone else to drive, while I put my head out the window and feel the cool breeze as I gaze up to the never ending sparkling stars in the sky
= fans working overtime to cool down our brows = kids in and out of swimsuits more than the ice cubes in the freezer making their way to the glass of suntea = trips back and forth to the potager get better every time = no "in the kitchen" meals, just fresh from the garden and grill = little hands coming inside with green tomatoes to slice up and add to salad
summer means no worries... no schedule...
this summer is a busy place full of memories...
spending the late afternoon on our farm with 4 Seminarians = go kart rides = swinging from the tree swings = chasing after chickens = walking the prairie = ping pong games = TONS of laughter = lots of hungry appetites!! ~menu~ — Blue cheese filled burgers (served with a homemade roasted red-pepper sauce + sauteed mushrooms w/onions) -grilled zucchini (drizzled with olive oil and rosemary+thyme) -grilled sliced potatoes w/red onions and cheese drizzled with olive oil (wrapped tightly in recycled foil) -and my (almost) famous chocolate cake
These amazingly joyful group of men filled our hearts and souls with more joy in the Lord, but also made us ache with laughter...
stepping sluggishly with my cup of coffee into this "Africa" heat
countless blueberries picked, washed, sorted, frozen (I want to be one of those blueberries)
thousands of frozen tokens of my family's blue-stained hands, while I stayed home with the baby, wanting to be staining my hands too
thousands of frozen tokens
gifts
When giving a gift to someone, time and care is taken in picking
Picking out the very best gift you can, that best suits that person, then you wrap it carefully, attach your best sentiment, and make sure they get it in time. I have been known to forget birthdays (could it be "milk brain"??), but when I do purchase a gift for someone, I take the time, make it beautiful, and usually go over the budget for that gift... especially for my husband!
When receiving a gift, you never see anyone (or at least I hope not) say 'thanks' and shove it aside. Even if they don't like the gift they just received from your care in picking it out, they look at it, sometimes ask questions, and hold it up in all directions. If they do like it, or get what they asked for, jubilation occurs with almost laughing smiles, a huge hug and many many words of "thanks"... sometimes tears... with the care you put into the gift... Thanking the gift giver takes time... Picking out just the right thank you card or special stationary... using your best pen and penmanship... and saying just the right words in order to truly let that gift giver know how much you appreciate them giving you that gift. Either way, we stop. Take time. Give thanks.
Every single thing in this life we are living is a gift... sometimes we don't like the gifts we are given... other times are we are so gay (joyful)... but either way, we stop, take time, give thanks. Offering up myself daily to God is a sure way of telling Him thank you and here is my "all", but stopping to give Him thanks, even when I don't like what He is giving me, is slowing down time... literally... I am able to stop. Take time. Give thanks. How am I able to see the thanks amongst the weeds to pull in the potager, the horse manure, the hot humidity with no air conditioning, these six children, my husband's back pain, these thousands of blueberries I need to go through... Taking time to stop. Take time. Give thanks.
how often I am in a constant state of control my faith humbles me to the point of exhausting all resources within me and I seem to malfunction rather quickly
shut down
letting someone else take control... = what's for breakfast = how we garden = plans for the day = how to sort the laundry = what we'll pray on as a family all this responsibility (and obviously much more than what I revealed) can be heavy upon my shoulders... but never a burden... just heavy... and sometimes too heavy where I seem to be crushed like a dog with it's head out the window, the exhilarating feeling of being in a car, windows down, is freeing maybe I'm saying that because I seriously don't get out that much... but that could just be my saving grace... the more I get out, the more I want out... but the more I pray... the more I want to pray pushing the door open to the garden gate to go back up to the house, I looked back and my eyes saw my husband watering our newly planted asparagus patch, son was weeding, girl was swinging... big kids were at the last day of a Church retreat... the baby wiggled under my chin and the Holy Spirit rushed passed me as the wind feels with the windows down... the objects of my affection were closer than they appear I started walking up the gravel path, my flip flops flipping on my heels, but my feet weren't touching the ground. My spirit was soaring with amazement — not being able to fully realize what was happening - I parked myself upon the comfy cushy chair on the deck and held my baby close and nourished him physically. Completely letting the moment sink upon me. = We are letting our life here be led by something stronger than our hands = The seasons and changes in weather guide our chores, duties, responsibilities I am not in control, just along for the ride... and it's a gorgeous view
picture courtesy of the boys... and Jason's vintage G.I. Joe collection from childhood I have tried wearing silky type clothes, but end up wearing the cotton and linen... the more handmade the better... and I generally do not wear purple with black combat boots
Looking back at this post, I'm so glad I had the lace hanging by hemp twine (now I can take it down with no problems)
heck, I didn't even want a diamond ring for our wedding... just a simple turquoise on silver... my husband's wedding band was something I had a artisan jeweler create with silver and white gold blended to create a one of a kind artistic sentiment of my love (which fell off his blessed finger while skiing the Illinois river... so if anyone ever finds it, let me know)... I would have settled with him tying a piece of hemp twine around my finger...
~Those "things" just aren't important to us~
we don't get caught up or over anxious about being self-sustainable... but strive to be (it is HARD work)... what is more important right now is that we focus on raising our children with us... not separate... they are an intregal part of who we are (there is a saying that 'you are who your kids are')
Our marriage is sometimes rough, but mostly smooth... and I truly attest that to Jason's patience... and though I chose an understated white gold band with a tiny diamond (it wasn't about the money) for my wedding ring (a vintage 1927 Vintage ring we both found the week before the wedding), we are pretty simplistic people.
no tv... we have one to watch the occasional movie... the kids (and there are 6 of them) only watch a movie maybe once a week if that...
no video games... which includes hand held objects of complete wastes of time
we work... we work alot... but to us, work is prayer
We are entering into our 16th year of marriage and only just beginning to get to know each other...
but we both have always been nature lovers... outdoors hiking and mountain biking (Jason used to race mountain bikes — but that is a whole other story in itself)... I used to repel and introduced him to the sport as well... (going to college for a degree in Environmental Science back when only two schools even offered it helped finding the best outdoor spots)
Our love has grown from nature... with nature... and now we raise our children that way... a seasonal way of raising our children...
Our meals are based on the seasons for the most part... Our lives are definitely shaped by the seasons with chores changing monthly by the change in climates here in the midwest (and they sure do change here in the midwest)
unplug yourself... just for a day
There are no princesses here... or princes for that matter...
no pomp... no aires... just a bit of dirt, sunshine, rain and always a breeze Life is dirty... but the bright light of faith shines upon us every day regardless if it's hidden behind an obstacle... there even are tears somedays but they cleanse us and keep us honest... and the breeze seems to always blow something else into our lives here on the farm
Our two girls' are precious to us, just as much as the boys are... but there is no way we are raising them to believe that they aren't going to be getting their hands dirty in life... that work is the way to grace... that working hard at whatever you want to achieve in life is THE only way you reach your goals
Sewing dresses and skirt with them... even embroidering details upon their clothing... this is my opportunity to comfort them with something I have worked at just for them... from my hands to them...
It's the same with cooking... we comfort those around us by preparing a good healthy meal that will help support them through the day... as is for anything we do with our children... life is messy, and we certainly aren't raising any princesses here
all the love and support for this day, xo+blessings,
no, i did not put those flowers in her hair a spontaneously loving older brother three years her senior, picked them for her and then adorned his little sister in "nature's finest" though he avoids the camera like the plague, she was quite happy to have me take a few photographs of her smelling the peony blooms which rest in the shade and bloom later in the season due to this
don't get me wrong, this doesn't happen often, with an older brother placing flowers in her hair... but his kindness is evident in this family... a caring nature...
my life is full full of life and love and kids there is always some 'mucking' I'm doing, but truthfully, this "mucking" around is always my own fault... my life is most definitely a 'bed of roses'... there's thorns amongst the roses and I seem to get caught in those roses from time to time perfectly normal if any of you may be going through a 'rough patch' or are "mucking" through something perfectly normal there is nothing on this Earth that has not been suffered or dealt with ask yourself this: are you complaining about it?
stop let that thorn pierce you through and penetrate a feeling deep within that stings for a bit... you are learning each day we might just step in the "muck" to smell the roses and get pierced by the thorns as we do
just like her older brother taking the time to pick each flower and place it in her long braid... just because... may we all learn from an 11 year old boy's philosophy in life shying away from any recognition while creating beauty around us and making someone feel special, not ourself
as we go about our day as a mother, and the possible crying baby for mama as the four year old is reminding his mother every 20 minutes he's hungry, and the 15 year old wants a trip back to the library while shooting off a firecracker, and the 11 year old younger brother decides to make a bazooka for his older brother's firecrackers to launch from pvc piping he found in the barn, and the 13 year old daughter wants to make brownies and plant gladiolas with her mama all the while the mother really just wants to make those curtains out of the fabric that has been hanging on the rod just draped over for nearly 2 weeks now with an actually hot cup of coffee... let us make sure we take time to make their life beautiful put flowers in their hair make them some brownies put that band aid on the skinned knee of your little boy sew those curtains for your home embrace the day whichever way it comes... muck, thorns and all
it's perfectly normal no complaints today... accept it all... muck & thorns
probably the 3 greatest words all together they are an amazing combination of gratitude
we hope you are all enjoying your day... if not, the day is certainly not over... leave all the negativity behind and start having a great day!!! xo + blessings,
we master that... get good at just standing... firm... strong... confident...
we get comfortable with just standing and know others will help us when we fall or encourage us to get back up
then
all of a sudden
we take that first step...
it surprises even us
balancing the rest of our self to just keep moving
focused
a bit shaky, the excitement and encouragement from others helps us move
no matter where we are, there is always Someone who is helping us even if we can't see Him, and no one else is there helping us get up He shines His love upon each and everyone one of us and encourages us just with that light... to keep going... don't give up now... keep focused... love the steps along the way... enjoy the scenery amongst us... keep strong... do not for any reason give up
being there to for someone else letting them know you understand you've been there we have all been there none of us knows what it is like to exactly be that other person, but all of us know the struggles of life in our own unique ways and how we can do it do it together through love and understanding patience and strength
our little Daniel now walks on his own
a very very emotional time for his mama... the safety within my arms is now reaching out to him
it was him reaching out to me
i now follow him and watch him and shine my light for his path in life as he walks on his own the rest of my living days and then thereafter
no... not from that puffed oven pancake, or the homemade sugar cookies and cupcakes we're testing for the sale (had no clue what 'flooding' was until recently — but my oh my is that fun)
an overwhelming sense of being full hit me tonight when at church
my mind literally screamed at me to shut up
all these ideas, pictures, styling, sewing, baking, planning, etc on top of all other 'normal' aspects of my life builds and builds until I felt almost pregnant... and on my last few weeks (no I'm not expecting... as far as I know)
If I'm not creating or doing I'm reading... I just don't sit still
that doesn't mean I'm super organized and can accomplish a whole bunch, but it does mean I've got my interests scattered... for crying out loud I got inspired while shopping the ethnic isle at Woodman's... that is the super great thing about our human ability to absorb every ounce of our surroundings
every ounce of it
some might not want to, and stick with the routine, take their daily to dos get them done, and package everything neatly
others might not have any schedule and totally flow with life like floating on a raft with a beer in one hand (that doesn't sound so bad really...)
but I find myself in between those two... and I'm sure a lot of you can relate to that
What an awesome feeling to know that we are ever expanding in our minds... that the possibilities are endless and absolutely God's doing
I can see a deeper need and desire for each of us to slow down and enjoy the simplicity in life more, especially with all the iphones/ipads/computer games/x-box's/TV/movies...
how? {{connecting with nature {{meditating on the glorious nature of our very existence {{sitting quietly still in the presence of Our Lord for at least an hour a week {{reading {{writing {{hugging your spouse... at least an hour a week
and so many more ideas that would be beautifully captured in your life
capturing that fullness in your life is simply stopping quietly to hear Him
... what is He saying to you
eat a cupcake... that is what He's saying to me right now... how about you?
life is so much more than the expected more than competitions and climbing the ladder than shooing the kids off to 'this and that' than shopping and eating, cleaning and building life is so much more
it is taking time to be together regardless of age... yielding to others to make them feel good... playing around with nothing much more than the people themselves in laughter an unusual post on Holy Saturday, yes I agree, but it has become all too clear within me this Lent that making demands on others to be more like them is not a true relationship with another person making demands is manipulative try try so very hard to love others try
we all have our failings... let us all choose to see those within ourselves before looking upon others and critiquing their faults try because life is so much more!
have a beautifully blessed Easter embracing the love He has for you by showing others this love... xo,
at the top of these steps I have climbed I will now plateau for a while... and work
work at all the things I have learned in these three steps
work at always giving more of myself... and then... work some more work at giving silence work at giving me rest work at doing more... working more
always wanting to please Him and those around me, it is me who suffers in this process sometimes because I am the one who is anxious and worried about things — not them — it is me who puts these obstacles before me to perform this work complete and well done it is me who has the problem — not those around me -
this takes work too so many of us (women in particular) are needy we need praise... encouragement... attention... commitment...
some of us women want others to be more like them some of us women don't work at meeting half way in a friendship or even sisterhood some of us women don't work at bettering themselves by giving of themselves towards others some of us women work to please ourselves and forget about others' needs and wants working things out between two people takes work on both ends
don't expect one person to do all the work... they will eventually get so tired they quit
work at giving silence when silence is due
being a listening ear and shoulder to lean on
work at giving yourself rest
in alone and peaceful prayer time to meditate and become closer to the Creator
work at doing more
for others by giving of yourself through working for others and not yourself
helping others become the best person they can be
helping others by showing others how hard you are at working at this
notice the good in others only in these last few days in Lent fast and pray to become the best person you can be
Starting Monday... I will be posting another Lenten series entitled "3 steps... to a better me"
These posts entitled "3 steps... to a better me" are written with a particular purpose, a special meaning, and a deliberate spirit to help enhance who I am.
These posts will not, by any means, create a "someone" I want to be. Why? Because I don't want to be first lady, or some famous writer, or a tv show host. Who I want to become is a better version of who I already am. There are so many faults I have. So many failings. So very many... so who do I want to be? just plain ol' me embracing who I am and using the gifts God gave me
I have made extremely bad choices... and that is exactly what they were... choices... and what they still are There is this thing that I absolutely love about life: freedom.
This freedom is within each and every one of us. This is how even Christ Himself was able to be enslaved in this flesh and blood while living here upon this Earth. He knew He had to suffer as He did... and this time during Lent I am always reminded of this... and I fight it...
I fight this flesh and blood... sometimes I don't want it... I want to soar bodiless with Him in heaven... in only spirit
and then I realize I can do that now... that all I have to do is let myself go of this world and soar
Feeling a bit ill this week, and only wanting solitude because of it, I was very much grounded right where I am... all I want to do is sew that ottoman I made, but there was this totally cute, severely needed to nurse all day for some reason baby in my arms... I just wanted to be in that studio and sew and listen to the birds, and make my tea, and just well: be me. Truthfully, it was a 'fake me' that I wanted. Seriously... can you hear the whining?
The purpose of these posts is to bring solace, healing and hope to hearts... enlightenment to minds... strength to wills.
Yes, it will be focused on me, not individuals who read these posts... I cannot address anyone else... that's the person I know the most;)
So what will be in these posts?? This '3 steps... to a better me'? ??
First we will discover how to reclaim that self respect.
Second, we will learn how to accept what is given to us... and call it a blessing.
Thirdly, we will understand what our calling is and learn how to fulfill that purpose.
I did this last Lent as well. Now, I don't know if many of you will follow along with me... and I am not by any means asking you to do so. There may be times where I post about a pie I made... or maybe another sewing project... or this cute mug:
I have a lot at stake making this place we call "Farm" a place to treasure like a tabernacle I want to empty myself and fill only Him with His love and accept accept me accept all the blessings both in sacrifice and joy but first... the sacrifice like the quickly passing days upon this Earth, I only have a short amount of time to live life to the fullest I could easily fill myself with "me" but that would be selfish so I'm going to fill myself with Him, through sacrificing myself completely see you Monday... (well, maybe Sunday too... with a b/w photo:) xo+spiritual blessings,
for me... it's serious a lot of the time... (that's what happens when you homeschool your five children, and live a traditional faith... to the best of my ability at least)
from my 2009 'in bloom' collection of girl's clothing
when you get close to people sometimes... open up yourself to them... you risk getting hurt
that's the risk I have to take, or I wouldn't find any connections would you?
it definitely makes you more guarded against getting close to others as much as you did before however life isn't about keeping with the same crowd... after all... we aren't a school of fish... or part of a flock of geese that does the same thing each year
but people... with hearts and minds... to love, get hurt, grow and become better
i have spent the past few days at a mission... there is a freshness that is surrounding my heart... a renewal... just as spring is approaching, and the birds are beginning to start nesting here on the farm... i too am ready ready for today embracing today
I am so very pleased with this color entering my life... I do have to say, I think it is from a recent friendship developing... this woman is so very cheerful and vibrant... when Jason and I first met, he remarked to me one day "I have never met anyone so positive... how are you like that?" I will never forget how he said that... but I am just not like that anymore yes, some could say it's motherhood... caring for the six children... but truly, it's me... all me there are those days (and trust me when i tell you that there are many) when all seems so heavy to carry upon my own cross, that weight pushes me down face first into the earth... but truly, no one does it to me i do it to myself no one puts me in those situations i do it to myself, for myself, by myself every single day though, there are those sparks of joy... happiness... and sometimes yes, it comes from seeing an image that is amazing — inspiring — beautiful — online, or in a magazine but most often those times are when I least expect it — like when Daniel put that orange slice in his mouth — that was hilarious — or when my daughter looses her tooth and then talks with a lisp — or in church, when I tell the four year old son to 'sit still' rather sternly and he most piously kneels down with hands folded like an angel and looks up and tells God he loves Him and 'I pray for my Mama'... those moments are both so joyful and reassuring that the cross is my fault for the most part that is... I do understand how we are given certain burdens in life we didn't ask for... but we still have to look at the joy in it all
picture drawn by my seven year old daughter of me and baby Daniel;) like that drawing my daughter drew for me... colorful, full of life, full of love... you don't see pictures draw in black and white by children... granted, they don't have the heavy cross like us adults, but they see the joy!
which brings me to my current topic of color
that is exactly why the color is showing up in my kitchen again... not only am I a little tired of all the white decor and tans, etc, in this house, but that joy is all around me thanks to good friends but mostly because I love this man... my very best friend... who honestly saved my soul from the forever abyss of not truly knowing Him
whomever you know that brings joy in their life... let them know... do not delay...
When I was proposed to by Jason (that's a whole other story) and we went looking for rings, I didn't want any diamond... I just wanted that union... that bond... and a simple turquoise vintage ring was what I thought I would get
His mother owns an antiques store in Geneva, IL (it is rated the #1 antiques store in the Fox Valley area) — it really is quite a nice store! (I even do the window displays) — and Karen — Jason's mom — has a beautiful selection of turquoise... nothing was quite what I was thinking... and while shopping with her and Jason, she said "Oh Anne Marie... just look at a diamond... just for fun... "
so I did
through a special eyeglass (forgot the name)...
I was blown away at this rock... so amazingly beautiful... from the 1920's and in perfect condition... set in white gold — almost like silver...
She went on to explain to me how diamonds of this beauty are so rare and... well... she said a lot and I'm sorry to say that I don't remember everything she said... my heart was swelling inside thinking of why this ring was in the store... why someone brought it in and sold it... or was it found... was it someones grandmother's and they needed the money... a family heirloom... was it a ring that was given back to a man who loved that woman and was rejected by her love and she thrust the ring back at him never to speak to him again... the inscription says 1920 and has the couple's initials...
of course, I envisioned her with her cloche hate and smart skirt suit on and him dapper with a fedora and trench coat and pinstripe suit... they were out to dinner and he proposed — she threw her arms around him and... well, you get the idea... this ring was more to me than a diamond — it is like making a new life to this rock... giving it that sparkle that was lost sitting there in the store...
we are so much like a diamond... we start out in life so raw and rugged... and with the constant pressures to do good to ourselves and others we are crushed on all sides... sometimes so stressed we just want to hide away with a lemon meringue pie and a pot of coffee (hypothetically speaking of course;)
let those pressures crush us — it will make us spectacular in the eyes of others and God...
to me, there is nothing in this life more important than being beautiful in the eyes of God
but immediately, we show our beauty to others by our acts towards them...
when things don't go smoothly, on whatever project you are working on, know that is just part of this life process of crushing you further and further until that pressure makes you beautiful in the eyes of God, to others, and yourself...
it's all part of this process... just have patience... we all go through pressure...
many of you have emailed me about diamonds since I posted this... and I wanted to share with you more on how a diamond is made... you can go here.
peaceful Lenten blessings,
btw: you can find an amazingly clear diamond for a fraction of the cost in antique stores!!
wherever you are on this journey of life, whether a believer in Christ or not, taking time to better oneself is always necessary...
walking through these next forty days (more on that in a minute) as being a caretaker of the earth, the land beneath us, we will be able to rest within and let the power of God work within us
There is no more time to decide on what to give up, now is the time... (back to the walking...)
our human nature always let's us know there is more time, but when you have to plant a garden, you have to do it at just the right time, just after the frost or a bit before, depending on what you are growing, but you certainly can't plant pepper seeds in the cold hard ground in zone 4 in April, the ground is too cold and they will not even germinate. If you have forgotten to plant that pepper plant by seed, at the right time, then there is always the local nursery, where you can pick up usually a plant with a pepper already growing on it. There are plenty of times where this has happened to me, for whatever reason, but I ran instead of walked in the garden. To run into lent is like picking up that pepper plant in the store with it's fruit ready to pick. It is a lazy way to garden (unless physical ailments prevent you from starting it from seed). The cost if more, the work was not done by you, but here you are enjoying the fruit. Quite frankly, it is cheating your way through gardening. At the end of the forty days, each and every one of us, should arrive with a stronger sense of our weaknesses and strengths because we spent so much time in prayer and fasting.
That ground we are planting in, if all we plant are peppers in there, year after year, will become unsuitable for planting. It needs crop rotation. It might even need time to lie fallow (left alone).
Rotating crops helps not only prevent insect infestations, but also enriches the soil. So one year we'll plant peppers, the other year maybe some carrots or potatoes (something growing deep within the ground). Just as we are as humans. Sometimes we are left barren and it needs to be that way. Other time though, we need to remove what is there for a time to focus on introducing a new virtue or habit within us. Fasting helps us with this.
We are such pleasure seeking people with our comfort of food and drink (myself included). After all, we need food and drink to sustain us, but why not live without that comfort.
That seed we put into the ground is restraining the life within it. It is dry and brittle, and so small. When that outer skin on the seed falls off and dies within the ground, then life pushes forth.
After this time of soil preparation, and barren land, let us all let life push us forth.
lately when I think of freedom my arms want to burst from the sides of my apron as I look out my kitchen window to almost claim that moment's right upon me for freedom
even in the most oppressed nations, you can still feel the freedom inside you, but your arms are tied behind your backs to proclaim it... the country's leaders forbid such independence
when I used to work behind a desk, in a cubicle (that job only lasted a short time... my sense of self was being squashed between those stuffy desks and intensely stressful vibes surging through my veins to complete 'the job') I could not wait until that noon lunch time hit — to the second, I would grab my car keys and b-line to my tiny little car... hit the sunroof open, pretty much peel out of the parking lot and head to a local forest preserve... I would sit in the sun, even in dead of winter... it was freedom from everything
freedom for me is that direct connection between the land and myself
that is why so many people are claiming this word "farm" into everything they are doing... from style inside their homes... to their blog titles... their names...
The word 'farm' and 'freedom' harmonize...
people don't go into the city to feel freedom (well, at least no one I know)... but the country...
the farm
the wide open spaces...
like my arms out wide exclaiming my freedom... the sky that we gaze at and the wide horizons I dream of and that inspire me so much...
you don't have to be living on the farm to throw your arms up and proclaim your freedom...
you don't have to be a mom of six children to let others know how much you value life...
you don't have to wear the flag and carry a gun...
freedom comes from within...
you can see freedom grow by planting a garden... being able to plant those seeds you saved, and nourished and weeded and harvested and preserved... watching that little seed flourish...
that seed is planted in us
that seed is planted from our forefathers who loved God first and that is exactly why they came to this great country... to plant freedom here... to plant freedom to reseed itself and flourish...
to throw their arms out and breathe in that sense of awe and wonder
let go of all the complications and burst your arms into the air wherever you are and proclaim your freedom
Many of my new interests seem to include calligraphy, floral art, feminine and light clothing, and a touch of gold. Some of that may be due to the May sale approaching and I am planning my space, the feel and the overall design. I am really looking forward to once again working with my younger sister in that bakery of ours. She completely sold out of all her wonderful baked goods (and quite frankly, I wasn't surprised... those baked giant pumpkin doughnut holes were amazing!) I do think she is planning on including some special items, such as myself, like candy — no added 'goo' or colors... just natural and a small treat.
One might think that I eat sweets all the time, but on the contrary. I tend to make them for the family, and I do enjoy them from time to time, but oh my hips if I kept making them and eating them, you could definitely then call me 'big mama'. Funny enough, when I am a Grandma (if I am a Grandma) I want to have some meat on my bones and be cuddly... not a skinny one... but that is besides the point, and I don't want to rush those cuddly squeezes yet — not by a long shot. I want to savor this day and all the rest.
However, days are hard, and diving into motherhood, when I hate diving, has lately put me in a state of flux. Not being able to make decisions is one of them (and I suppose Pinterest isn't helping me in that fact either). The days are too long some days, and too short the others. My zeal... the 'oomph' has left me lately. I know the good Lord knows what He is doing. Keeping quiet. Keeping still. I don't get talked to by the Lord like I hear so many women proclaim. That they 'hear the Lord' speak to them. Truthfully, I do hear the Lord in Church, and when I do happen to make decisions that are important (that little 'no no' or 'nudge nudge').
In my mind there are days when I am elsewhere... sometimes that is dreaming of me being an artist in my barn (when i can't paint a lick) or other days it is in a bit of quiet contemplation (when I usually end up knitting or crocheting).
There are those pictures that are so unlike me, yet, I gravitate toward them like it is what I do see in my head, and being a stylist, I see things that way... the light... how they captured the dress just so beautiful... or the cake just at the right level and color in both the foreground and the background...
It seems today is a bit of ramble... and that might be due to the fact that my journal near my bedside has been empty since i don't remember when. It is very unlike me not to write, to journal, etc. Life is so full sometimes, and that fullness is both of the good and of the bad, we just have to accept it all because it is in our life. But if you choose to focus on the bad more than the good, then, well, you just don't see things as a blessing, but of darkness. I find it really poignant that the Lord made the Light first... and that the sun is an enormous star... and just those two things could keep my mind occupied the rest of the day. Finding inspiration from that golden sun is one of the reasons I am liking the gold, the rest is quite uncertain, but I am enjoying the process within my soul finding out the reasons the "why" of the rest.
how is it that you will be able to find those things?
You cannot give... what you do not have.
If you do not have love in your life, love yourself first.
If you do not have laughter in your life, laugh at yourself first.
If you do not have peace in your life, pray and meditate within yourself first.
This all sounds a bit self-centered... don't let it be centered on you... this is to better those around you... so you can change the world
how do you love yourself? Take care of your body as well as your mind... exercise... read a book.
how do you find laughter? Stop (for the love of God) talking about other people in gossip — humble yourself
how do you find peace? Take time each day — seriously — and pray... be with the Lord... it doesn't matter if it's 50 Hail Mary's or one 'thank you Lord'... find at least 15 minutes to do this... you do have 15 minutes for God
no pictures today... no distractions... focus on what is missing and fill it
