Souvenirs + [time]

rambles...

Many of my new interests seem to include calligraphy, floral art, feminine and light clothing, and a touch of gold. Some of that may be due to the May sale approaching and I am planning my space, the feel and the overall design. I am really looking forward to once again working with my younger sister in that bakery of ours. She completely sold out of all her wonderful baked goods (and quite frankly, I wasn't surprised... those baked giant pumpkin doughnut holes were amazing!) I do think she is planning on including some special items, such as myself, like candy — no added 'goo' or colors... just natural and a small treat.

One might think that I eat sweets all the time, but on the contrary. I tend to make them for the family, and I do enjoy them from time to time, but oh my hips if I kept making them and eating them, you could definitely then call me 'big mama'. Funny enough, when I am a Grandma (if I am a Grandma) I want to have some meat on my bones and be cuddly... not a skinny one... but that is besides the point, and I don't want to rush those cuddly squeezes yet — not by a long shot. I want to savor this day and all the rest.

However, days are hard, and diving into motherhood, when I hate diving, has lately put me in a state of flux. Not being able to make decisions is one of them (and I suppose Pinterest isn't helping me in that fact either). The days are too long some days, and too short the others. My zeal... the 'oomph' has left me lately. I know the good Lord knows what He is doing. Keeping quiet. Keeping still. I don't get talked to by the Lord like I hear so many women proclaim. That they 'hear the Lord' speak to them. Truthfully, I do hear the Lord in Church, and when I do happen to make decisions that are important (that little 'no no' or 'nudge nudge').

In my mind there are days when I am elsewhere... sometimes that is dreaming of me being an artist in my barn (when i can't paint a lick) or other days it is in a bit of quiet contemplation (when I usually end up knitting or crocheting).

There are those pictures that are so unlike me, yet, I gravitate toward them like it is what I do see in my head, and being a stylist, I see things that way... the light... how they captured the dress just so beautiful... or the cake just at the right level and color in both the foreground and the background...

It seems today is a bit of ramble... and that might be due to the fact that my journal near my bedside has been empty since i don't remember when. It is very unlike me not to write, to journal, etc. Life is so full sometimes, and that fullness is both of the good and of the bad, we just have to accept it all because it is in our life. But if you choose to focus on the bad more than the good, then, well, you just don't see things as a blessing, but of darkness. I find it really poignant that the Lord made the Light first... and that the sun is an enormous star... and just those two things could keep my mind occupied the rest of the day. Finding inspiration from that golden sun is one of the reasons I am liking the gold, the rest is quite uncertain, but I am enjoying the process within my soul finding out the reasons the "why" of the rest.